My Story ( UwU )

 

Chad Thornhill looked at the tattered sandwich in his hands and felt barmy.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his backward surroundings. He had always loved dull Camborne with its outrageous, obnoxious oceans. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel barmy.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Rachel Hemingway. Rachel was a deranged muppet with hairy ankles and charming ankles.

Chad gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a tight-fisted, witty, cocoa drinker with spiky ankles and grubby ankles. His friends saw him as a calm, curious carer. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved an eager baby flamingo.

But not even a tight-fisted person who had once jumped into a river and saved an eager baby flamingo, was prepared for what Rachel had in store today.

The hail pounded like thinking rabbits, making Chad worried.

As Chad stepped outside and Rachel came closer, he could see the wicked glint in her eye.

"I am here because I want a kiss," Rachel bellowed, in a hopeful tone. She slammed her fist against Chad's chest, with the force of 4842 koalas. "I frigging love you, Chad Thornhill."

Chad looked back, even more worried and still fingering the tattered sandwich. "Rachel, I just don't need you in my life any more," he replied.

They looked at each other with angry feelings, like two expensive, eager elephants swimming at a very friendly engagement party, which had jazz music playing in the background and two ruthless uncles running to the beat.

Suddenly, Rachel lunged forward and tried to punch Chad in the face. Quickly, Chad grabbed the tattered sandwich and brought it down on Rachel's skull.

Rachel's hairy ankles trembled and her charming ankles wobbled. She looked stable, her body raw like a burnt, barbecued book.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Rachel Hemingway was dead.

Chad Thornhill went back inside and made himself a nice mug of cocoa.

THE END